Being the daughter of a mother with fibromyalgia is difficult, it can certainly put a strain on this mother-daughter relationship because sometimes it feels more like a relationship between you and your mother’s fibromyalgia than a relationship between you and your mother. I learned that there are good days and bad days.
The days she needs more support, help, more positive words, love, etc., and there are days when she needs space because she feels a little more crappy , a little more emotional and a little more frustrated. I do not know about anyone else, but I was blessed with a pretty amazing mom! He who is a great model, one who shows a lot of strength and perseverance. I learned a lot from my mother, but I want her to know that even though having fibromyalgia can be horrible, and can make life unbearable sometimes, mom, I hope you know that I love you to the moon and back and always will be, no matter what.
Being the daughter of a mother with fibromyalgia made me realize and accept the fact that there will be days when mom will need me to go to town to go shopping because driving in town, walking around the store, and carrying heavy bags can make her really tired and really hurt.
There will be days when she needs an extra hug. There will be things that will be missed, such as choir concerts or sporting events, because getting up, getting ready and sitting in an uncomfortable auditorium chair for 2 hours will make it so much worse tomorrow.
But I learned that I do not mind if she misses some of these things, because I know she always thinks of me when I do them, and she’s always excited to hear about them when I’m going home.
Being the daughter of a mother with fibromyalgia can be difficult because some days you feel so helpless, which is one of the worst things! Watching your mother suffer and fight is difficult, and knowing that she wants to do more than her body physically allows her is so hard to see.
Mom, I just hope you know I’m here for the good days and the bad ones too. I am always there as a solid foundation for you. A shoulder to cry, on the not so good days, a person to laugh uncontrollably with the good extra days, a person to give back to the most frustrating days, and I’m also here to try to put a smile on your face every day. Because even though I’m the daughter of a mother with fibromyalgia, I’m also the daughter of a damn good mom!
“I love you madly!”
Love, your “punkin”
by Haley Puddicombe
A letter of thanks from a mother with fibromyalgia to her daughters
Life has certainly been difficult since this condition has raised its ugly head. My life has been turned upside down and things will never be the same again. But that does not apply only to me, it applies to you too. I realize and I try to understand that my life as I have known it will never be the same. But I also learn that life, as you know, has also changed. I do not know when things started to change but when I look back at girls being small, I remember a lot of fun moments, lots of laughs, and lots of adventures.
As we got older, we still managed to have incredible fun and lots of laughs. But in recent years, things have changed. I never said no to what we had in store for the day. Shopping, family trips, camping, everything we wanted to do as a family. My life began to slow down, my physical well-being was far from what it once was. I have now learned that I have this disease called fibromyalgia.
Things will just not be the same. You girls watched me change and slow down. I am no longer able to do the things I used to do, and I will not be able to do things with you as before. Few families understand what fibromyalgia is or how it affects a family. But since the first day, since I learned that things were not going well with me, you have progressed, you have learned that things were going to be different, you have never questioned it, you have just followed. You have never questioned this new reality with which you are dealing.
You girls have learned that the things I used to do, I can not do anymore. You have learned that some days I push myself further than I should. And the biggest thing you learned was the more mom you used to have. That’s a big thing for a 17-year-old and a 13-year-old, but none of you wondered what was going on, why it was happening, or how it would affect you. You girls now had to adjust to a new normal, as I had to, and yet you never missed a beat.
You have learned to know when I need extra help, when I need you to shop for me, or when I just need time alone. You have learned to read my face and know when things are not going well and you seem to know things that could help me. Since I face this condition, you have also learned that sometimes my moods were unpredictable, happy one minute, crazy the next, and in tears soon after. You must have learned the hard way that any mood is unpredictable.
But you ride with it and do not question it. I used to attend all school and extracurricular activities, but now, if it’s a bad day, you understand that coming to activities can cause more pain and make the next day more uncomfortable and you’re more that comprehensive. You girls, you always seem to know when mom needs a little more love and a little more attention.
Cuddles and kisses, “favors”, shopping, chores, and all the day-to-day things that I need help, you know when it’s needed. Since this new reality has become our life, you have never given up hope for me or for me. It’s something no child of your age should have to deal with, but you manage it with grace and strength. You have never depreciated who I am now or makes me feel less like a mom.
Small gestures like hugs and kisses, flowers, help around the house, or sending me on the couch when you know that I’ve done a lot, it means more than you’ll ever know. I am a pretty lucky mom in many ways. Most importantly, I am the proud mother of two incredible girls whom I love at the moon and back. My “punkin” and my “boo” … I love you more than you’ll ever know!
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