Living with fibromyalgia is extremely difficult, as millions of people around the world can attest. The fact that the physical and emotional pain is not visible to others can often make it even more difficult. Fibromyalgia is known as an “invisible illness” because its painful and often debilitating side effects are often not apparent to others.
A person with fibromyalgia may appear perfectly fine on the outside, but be in excruciating pain on the inside. Understanding this is important for those seeking to support a friend or family member of someone with fibromyalgia.
While it’s often difficult to find the words to offer support and hope to those suffering from fibromyalgia, here’s a list of five things you absolutely don’t want to say to someone with fibromyalgia. We don’t think there’s anything better to say than one of these five things.
#1 “You don’t look sick”
This comment demonstrates a complete misunderstanding of invisible illnesses. Not all serious illnesses are accompanied by overt, overt symptoms, such as being wheelchair-bound. People with fibromyalgia have often learned coping mechanisms and may use their limited energy each day to try to appear more normal to others. But the pain is still there. And even hinting to someone with fibromyalgia that they are faking it is likely to jeopardize your relationship with them.
#2 “It must be nice not having to work.”
Um, no… it’s not. The vast majority of people with fibromyalgia would do anything to regain their independence and the ability to work full-time.
The suggestion that not being able to work was a choice or that they are simply lazy is incredibly insulting.
#3 “I heard that fibromyalgia isn’t a real disease.”
You’ve heard it wrong before. The cause of fibromyalgia is still being studied, and the amount of research lags behind other health conditions due to a historical lack of understanding. But that doesn’t make it any less true for the nearly 6 million people with fibromyalgia in the United States alone.
Fibromyalgia was officially recognized as a real disease by the American health industry late last year, when it was given its own diagnostic code, and has been recognized for years by the FDA and the Safety Administration.
#4 “You just need to exercise more and be more active”
If only it were that simple. The fact is, many people with fibromyalgia push their physical limits by getting up and taking a shower every day.
Many find relief in yoga or other gentle exercises like water aerobics. But often, the kind of exertion that comes with exercise isn’t an option.
#5 “It’s all in his head”
We saved the worst for last. Actually, no, it’s not all in my head. The pain and fatigue are all over my body, and sometimes I even feel like my hair hurts! Yes, it’s that bad, and just because you can’t see my pain doesn’t mean it’s not a physical condition. Stress, anxiety, and depression can all aggravate the symptoms of chronic pain, but they don’t usually cause the pain.
If you’ve made it this far, you’re probably someone with fibromyalgia or someone who really wants to understand fibromyalgia in order to support someone they love. Big hugs to you if you’re the first, and thanks so much if you’re the last.
